Dating is an exciting and sometimes challenging part of growing up. It can be intimidating for anyone, but teens with autism may face different challenges than their peers. With a bit of preparation and guidance, navigating the dating world can be a fun journey to connect with others, practice social skills, and explore different types of relationships. We have ten dating do’s and don’t’s to make sure teens with autism can be successful on their dating journey.

1. Do: Be Yourself

One of the most important things to remember in any relationship is to be yourself. Teens with autism may feel pressured to behave a certain way to fit in but embrace who they are. Authenticity is how you form meaningful connections. Your unique traits, interests, and personality make you unique, so make sure to share them!

Honesty builds connection, so sharing about yourself can make your date feel closer to you. It’s okay to tell your date about your autism or to explain why you may need sensory breaks. These details help improve communication and understanding and can deepen a connection.

2. Don’t: Focus Solely on Appearance

It’s natural to feel drawn to someone’s physical appearance, but a connection based on more than just looks often leads to a deep, lasting connection.

Focus on shared interests and values when dating. Take your date to activities or places you both enjoy, like a neighborhood park or an ice cream shop. Physical attraction is something to consider when dating someone, but you should also factor in emotional compatibility.

3. Do: Plan Comfortable Dates

If the idea of going to a traditional dating spot, like a restaurant, sounds overwhelming to you, choose an environment that aligns with your (and your date’s) comfort level. A quiet coffee shop, a peaceful park, or a visit to a museum might be ideal spots to get to know each other. Suggesting these places is perfectly okay if loud, crowded spaces aren’t your thing.

Ask questions about your date’s preferences; this will make sure your outing is at a place where you both feel at ease. Consider things like noise levels, lighting, and overall atmosphere to better choose a place that puts you and your date at ease. 

4. Don’t: Overwhelm Yourself

Dating can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, especially when it’s new territory. If you find social interactions tiring or overwhelming, consider keeping your first few dates short. An hour at a coffee shop or a walk in the park can allow you to enjoy your time together without feeling drained. As you grow more comfortable, you can gradually spend more time on dates.

Remember, needing a break or quiet time is okay, even during a date. If you feel anxious or overstimulated, calmly let your date know you need a moment to yourself. It’s important to respect your own boundaries and communicate them clearly.

5. Do: Communicate Openly

Communication is vital in any relationship. Being upfront about your feelings, boundaries, and preferences can prevent misunderstandings. For example, if you’re uncomfortable with particular physical touches like hand-holding or hugging, it’s okay to express that to your date. You are both there to get to know each other and feel comfortable.

When it comes to verbal communication, some people with autism may struggle with sarcasm or indirect language. If you’re unsure about something your date said, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. It can make it easier to practice these communication skills with a trusted parent or adult beforehand to get comfortable with open communication. Being open and direct helps avoid confusion for your date and you.

6. Don’t: Ignore Red Flags

A red flag is an expression used to describe signs that something is going wrong. In a relationship, examples of red flags can be that your date is not respecting your boundaries, pressuring you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, or ignoring your feelings.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong or makes you uneasy, step back and reassess the relationship. Talk to a trusted friend, parent, or counselor if you’re unsure about a situation or how someone made you feel.

7. Do: Practice Good Hygiene

While being yourself is important, practicing good hygiene can make a positive impression on your date. Personal grooming, like brushing your teeth, wearing clean clothes, and showering regularly, shows respect for both yourself and your date. Even if you’re not particularly concerned about your appearance, being clean and presentable is essential to dating etiquette.

8. Don’t: Be Discouraged by Rejection

Rejection is a natural part of dating, and everyone experiences it at some point. Whether someone says no to a date or decides they don’t want to continue a relationship, it’s important not to take it personally. People have different preferences and needs, and rejection doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Likewise, if you’re not interested in dating someone after getting to know them, it’s okay to politely let them know. Saying something like, “I enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t feel a romantic connection,” can help both of you move forward.

9. Do: Take Your Time

Rushing into a relationship or moving too fast can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. Take your time getting to know the person you’re dating. It’s okay if you don’t want to jump into a serious relationship right away. Building a friendship first can help you feel more comfortable and give you time to decide if you're going to take things to the next level.

10. Don’t: Feel Pressured to Conform

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to dating. Whether you’re dating someone on the autism spectrum or not, every relationship is unique. Don’t feel pressured to conform to societal norms or what you think a “typical” relationship should look like. Your relationship can develop at its own pace, in its own way.

Focusing on Your Needs

Dating can be a rewarding experience, but it also comes with its own set of challenges. By focusing on open communication, setting clear boundaries, and being true to yourself, you can navigate the dating world confidently and build meaningful relationships. Remember, it’s okay to take things at your own pace and seek guidance from trusted friends or family members when needed. Dating is a learning experience; with each step, you’ll grow more comfortable and confident in finding the right connections.

If you’re interested in learning more about dating as a teen with autism, PS Academy Arizona is a learning environment made just for you! From a variety of clubs and electives, sports, and school dances, we’re here to give you or your teen with autism a place where they can feel comfortable and understood. To learn more, contact us today.