Many of us have experienced bullying, whether we, ourselves, were victims of bullies in our early years or we are currently helping our children navigate those waters today.
We've come a long way since the days when schoolyard bullying was considered a rite of passage or necessary to teach kids to "toughen up". However, the truth is, bullying is still alive and well today–on the playground, in the workplace, and online.
Did you know?
1 in 5 students reports being bullied at least once in school.
A person who has been bullied is more likely to struggle with their mental health, which can lead to anxiety, loss of self-esteem, depression, or even self-harm.
9 out of 10 tweens use social media or gaming apps, with 1 in 5 reporting they’ve experienced cyberbullying or have cyberbullied others.
The first step to fighting bullying begins with building awareness. It’s important for parents and teachers to watch for the signs and learn how to stop bullying in its tracks.
So, how can you better identify bullying? Let's take a look.
Bullying–What It Is and Isn't
Sometimes it's easy to spot bullying, such as by witnessing physical or verbal attacks. However, sometimes it can be harder to identify. Is someone being a bully or are they just having a bad day? Maybe we let their behavior slide because they've been experiencing troubles at home.
Often, negative behaviors are dismissed when kids bring up a situation that might look like bullying. Why? Because dealing with bullies isn’t easy. Some people avoid confrontation, don’t want to get involved, or are afraid of the consequences.
However, it is essential to know that bullying is any unwanted, aggressive behavior towards another person that involves a perceived or real power imbalance, causing them to feel threatened, unsafe, or ignored. Usually, this behavior is repetitive. Regardless of someone’s home life or whether they are having a bad day, bullying behavior should never be acceptable–end of story.
Bullying can also happen in more discreet ways, like spreading rumors, making threats online, and purposefully excluding someone from a group activity. Now more than ever, bullying is taking place on social media. Social media and gaming apps like Instagram, Snapchat, and Xbox Live can spread ideas like wildfire, making these the perfect platforms for bullies to hide. This makes cyberbullying one of the trickiest forms of bullying to spot.
How to Tell If Your Child is Being Bullied
If your child is experiencing bullying, they may be afraid to tell you. How can you help a problem you don't know exists? Here are a few signs you can look for:
Physical complaints like stomachaches or headaches, to avoid going to school
Avoiding going to school earlier or at all to distance themselves from other students
Not attempting to make friends at school
Sudden behavior changes or emotional outbursts after using social media platforms
Marks, bruises, or other signs of physical abuse
No interest in activities they previously enjoyed
Missing items or things being damaged
You can also ask them where they eat lunch or play during recess to get an idea if they are being rejected or excluded from activities with other students.
What Your Child Can Do:
The best way to combat bullying is to teach your child to be direct with the bully. Give them a few phrases they can try to put a stop to the bullying. Saying "back off", "that wasn't nice" or "leave me alone" sets firm boundaries and encourages the bully to back down. They can also try disengaging with the bully, either by simply responding "okay" or choosing to walk away if it's safe. The point is to avoid aggravating or engaging further with the bully.
Confidence is key here. Practice roleplaying how your child can respond and have them show you their "brave" face. This can help instill confidence and put their strongest foot forward when interacting with a bully.
How to Tell if Your Child is Being a Bully
Unfortunately, being bullied isn't the only way your child may be experiencing bullying. If you suspect your child is bullying other kids, the most important thing to keep in mind is that if your child is engaging in these behaviors–it doesn't mean they are a "bad" kid. Children can behave in ways we don't expect, but it isn't a reflection of who they are as a person. They can be nice kids and still make mistakes, just like adults.
Sometimes children bully others because they want to fit in or because they are lashing out. They may be bullied or neglected at home, leading them to seek attention in other ways and repeat these behaviors. Some children are naturally more assertive or impulsive than others. They may not understand how their behavior affects other children or how their behavior makes the victim feel. Here are a few possible signs your child is being a bully to others:
Getting into physical or verbal altercations
Comments from teachers or the school about behavioral issues
Unexplained money or new belongings
Making fun of others when they are around their friends
Aggressive concern about their popularity or reputation
What You Can Do:
Everything starts with communication. Talking to them about their behavior and getting them to understand how they are making the victim feel is the first step. Ask them why this is happening and what you can do to help. It might take many long talks to get to the bottom of the issue, but it’s important to understand where this behavior started. This can be trickier with younger children who are still learning to communicate. A child psychologist can help if you feel you aren’t able to make progress discussing this topic with your child.
How to Help Your Student Become an Anti-Bully
As a teacher, you are in a unique position to spot and stop bullying when it happens. Being vigilant about helping your students become anti-bullies is a crucial step towards putting an end to these behaviors. By doing so, you can help teach students about inclusion and fairness, and also encourage them to speak to the adults in their lives about what they're experiencing. If you notice bullying occurring in your classroom:
Teach your students to keep their eyes peeled for signs of aggression like hitting, tripping, poking, pinching, or someone making up cruel rumors and threats.
Ask them if they are treating everybody equally and practicing compassion. Encourage these practices in your classroom.
Teach your students it’s not okay to make fun of others and if they see someone being bullied, it is okay to tell.
Encourage them to be brave and tell an adult. Make a plan regarding who they can talk to at the school and provide them with these resources.
Final Thoughts
Whether your child or student is being bullied, bullying others, or knows someone who is the victim of physical, verbal, or cyberbullying, you can give them the tools they need to put a stop to it. At PS Academy Arizona, we encourage all our students and staff to set an example of what it means to be an anti-bully and are committed to creating an atmosphere of inclusion that takes bullying prevention seriously. Visit our website today to read our testimonials, learn more about what we do here, and book a tour.
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