Most people will experience anxiety at some point, recognizable by its intense bouts of worry, panic, and nervousness. These emotions typically accompany a stressful life event or circumstance. For some people, however, these anxious thoughts and feelings manifest as an anxiety disorder, and they may find it difficult to manage these experiences on a recurring basis.
Did you know that an estimated 40% of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder also have an anxiety disorder? Children with ADHD or learning difficulties are also more likely to face the challenges of anxiety at some point in their life. When this occurs, the typical signs and symptoms of anxiety can be harder to recognize and therefore, difficult to overcome. They may have trouble understanding and expressing these complex emotions, which may lead to outbursts, inflexibility, physical distress, agitation, or behavioral concerns as they try to navigate unsettling feelings.
It’s always important to discuss your concerns with a medical professional who can offer personalized guidance on how anxiety is affecting your child. There may be a variety of underlying causes that are unique to their specific worries. Gaining a better understanding of these triggers will only help you on your journey to a more stress-free life for your child.
They may recommend things like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, as a tool for helping your child overcome their recurring stressful thought patterns. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps anxiety by guiding your child to reframe their negative expectations and break down these overwhelming thoughts. But even with the right team of professionals and tools, it can still be difficult as a parent to know the right thing to say or do to help your child in the heat of the moment. Here are five strategies, backed by CBT principles, that you can start using today to help your child reframe anxious thoughts.
1. Start with Empathy
Emotions don't follow logic, which can be frustrating at times. It may seem like the best thing you can do is encourage your child to move past their anxious thinking or to point out the ways their thinking is flawed by using logic. Try not to dismiss your child's worries, however, no matter how irrational or inconsequential they may seem.
Letting them know you are listening and hearing what they're trying to express helps establish a bond of trust, which is essential for your child to explore whatever problem they're having.
Instead, try greeting their concerns with phrases like, "I am here to help." "Let's see if we can figure this out together." "This feeling isn't permanent." or "I understand this thought feels overwhelming, you don’t have to face it alone.” This empathetic approach will open up more opportunities for your child to explore these feelings safely and comfortably, as opposed to encouraging them to simply push their thoughts away.
2. Help Them Talk it Through
Once you are able to create a supportive environment, you may be able to guide your child through their present worry by helping them identify the problem and reframe their perspective on it. You can try leading the conversation with questions like, “What do you think will happen?” “What makes you think that?” and using their answers to dissect the challenge at hand.
Asking your child questions can help them learn to investigate their thoughts on their own. Asking pointed questions like, “Do you need to be alone?” or “Do you need a snack?” can also help them identify what will bring them a sense of calm in the present moment.
3. Take A Visual Approach
In some instances, a visual approach may offer more guidance in the presence of an overwhelming thought. Using a photo card of a thermometer may help your child identify the level of worry they are feeling at the moment. If your child is comfortable in an artistic setting, providing them tools to draw what they are feeling may also prove beneficial in identifying and stopping their anxiety in its tracks. You can also encourage mental visualization activities, like teaching your child to imagine a stop sign when they feel an anxious thought approaching. If your child responds better to visual stimuli, their anxiety likely will too.
4. Appeal to Their Senses
Similarly, appealing to your child's senses is a simple tool to help with anxiety.
By focusing their attention on what they can see, feel, smell, taste, or hear, they can start to alleviate the pressure caused by their anxious thinking. If you notice they are struggling to overcome their worried feelings, ask them to identify a list of five things they can see in the room. Continue by asking them to list four things they can touch, three things they can hear, and so on.
This may dismantle their fixation with the anxiety long enough to get more information about what’s going on. You might find the benefits of sensory activities helpful in this situation as well. Providing a box of these types of distractions, such as fidget toys, can help your child begin to regulate their emotions and release their overwhelming worry.
5. Show, Don't Tell
As a final tip, you can try a role-playing strategy. By modeling how to face feelings of worry or overwhelm, your child can develop a better understanding of what they’re experiencing and how to move through it. If their anxiety is fixated on a specific interaction or setting, such as attending a big day at school or trying a new playground, role-playing can also be a valuable tool.
You can even role-play a “plan B” if they decide the situation is too overwhelming. This can help them feel empowered and like they are in control in the face of uncontrollable or threatening emotions.
Finding the right approach for your child and their anxiety takes time, but the results are worth it. With the right toolkit, they can overcome these anxious feelings and learn how to thrive without them.
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