Watching a friendship grow and flourish is a rewarding experience at any age. Like any relationship, friendships need ongoing care and effort from both parties. When you’re on the autism spectrum or neurodivergent, and you’ve taken the first steps to make friends, encouraging those friendships to deepen comes with a new set of confusions and challenges. Here are tips for building upon the friendships you’ve made to make them last.

Understanding Friendship Dynamics

Friendships can form in many ways: some people experience an instant connection, others grow friendships based on deep emotions and experiences, and shared interests are a great starting point for meeting people and making friends. It’s common for teens with autism to start making friends from shared interests like video games, a subject in school, or hobbies. Friendship looks different to different people. In fact, studies show that autistic teens may perceive friendships differently than non-autistic people. While non-autistic individuals may define friendship by emotional connection, many autistic teens define it by shared interests. This means that the friendships you have, from deep conversations to simply enjoying a mutual hobby, are valuable and meaningful. However you spend time with your friends, making sure you’re both comfortable and enjoying spending time together is the most important thing you can do. 

Deepening Friendships

Once you've made a friend, how do you strengthen the connection? Here are some tips to help your friendships grow:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Being mindful means being aware of your emotions and reactions; this helps prevent misunderstandings. Focus on staying present in the conversation or activity with friends. If you start feeling anxious or overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe deeply or go somewhere private to re-center yourself.

Mindfulness also involves being aware of your friend's feelings. If they seem upset or disinterested, try asking them how they're feeling or if there's something they'd like to talk about. Being attentive to your friend’s emotions can strengthen your bond by showing you care.

2. Manage Your Anxiety

Social situations can be overwhelming, especially for teens with autism. If you feel anxious when hanging out with friends, have strategies in place to manage those feelings. When getting closer to your friends, planning activities you’re comfortable with, like a game you enjoy or going to a familiar place, is a great way to encourage the friendship while making sure you don’t feel overwhelmed. Knowing what to expect can help ease your anxiety.

Another way to manage anxiety is by using calming techniques like deep breathing or taking short breaks when needed. It's okay to step away for a few minutes if you're feeling overwhelmed. Letting your friends know your needs can help them understand and support you.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Keep the conversation flowing with your friends through open-ended questions. Instead of questions that can be answered with yes or no, ask questions that your friends can elaborate on. Some great examples are:

• What did you do last weekend?

• Who is your lab partner for the biology project?

• Where do you like to hang out after school?

You and your friends asking questions about each other helps you learn about the other’s hopes, needs, and interests, a great way of deepening connections. Even if their hobbies are different from yours, showing curiosity about what they enjoy can help you bond.

4. Give Validation

Validation means acknowledging your friend’s feelings and experiences, even if you don’t completely understand them. It shows empathy and can strengthen your friendship. For example, if your friend tells you about something difficult, you might say, "That sounds really hard. I'm sorry you had to go through that." This lets them know that you’re listening and that their feelings matter.

It’s just as important to give validation in positive situations. When your friend shares good news, celebrate with them! Simple words of encouragement like, "That’s awesome!" or "I’m so happy for you!" can show how pleased you are for them.

5. Recognize That Misunderstandings Happen

In any friendship, misunderstandings occur, and that’s okay. Sometimes, you might say something that comes across differently than you intended, or your friend might misinterpret your words. If this happens, don’t be afraid to apologize to prevent further tension.

If you’re unsure why something you said caused a misunderstanding, it’s okay to ask for clarification. This clarification can help you avoid similar situations in the future and give you a better understanding of your friend.

Tips for Hanging Out

When spending time with friends, here are some ways to make your hangouts more enjoyable:

• Do activities you both enjoy: Find common interests to help keep the mood fun and light. Be ready to try new things with your friends. It can be good to practice a new activity or place ahead of time with a parent or adult you’re comfortable with to feel less anxious with your friend.

• Respect personal space: Everyone has different comfort levels, so pay attention to how much space your friend prefers. It’s good to share how you feel most comfortable and listen to your friend’s feelings, too.

• Take breaks when needed: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stepping away for a moment to collect your thoughts is okay. Excusing yourself to go to the restroom, taking a few deep breaths while away, and returning more relaxed will make hanging out with your friends an enjoyable experience for everyone.

Need More Friendship Advice?

Growing friendships as a teen with autism may take effort, but it’s definitely possible! You can create deep, meaningful connections by practicing mindfulness, managing anxiety, and showing genuine interest in your friends. And remember, it’s okay to have different definitions of friendship. What matters most is that your relationships bring you joy and support. At PS Academy Arizona, we’re here to help teens with autism navigate social challenges and develop solid and lasting friendships. Reach out to us to learn how we can support you on your journey to success!